My name is Catherine, and I am a rehabilitating compulsive addicted gambler. On this 29th January 2007, it's officially 10th year of my recovery process, but I will always remember my history with gambling addiction.
Betting dependence took virtually all I had from me like family, friends, fame, occupations, my home, car, almost my marriage and cost me way more than money; it nearly causes me to lose my life twice to self-murder. At that suffering time, I also had undiagnosed mental and emotional health problems that I did not realize until 2002.
I came from the deepness of hell, desperation, and hopelessness.
My First Failed Suicide Attempt
One morning, I found myself in a hospital with both wrists of mine shrouded in bandages while before losing consciousness I overheard a discussion about my suicide attempt and how so many sharp objects were found in the sitting room of my residence. All I recall was everything returning to being dark in void. Presently I know it was an entire personality and body separate. A psychological or emotional loss of consciousness. From there I visited a dependency/mental problem centre.
I was observed for self-murder for the first few days. Not long after, a psychiatrist began to work with me. And indisputably, I was an impulsive gambler also. For my gambling addiction, I got help from an addictions counsellor.
Before that, I tried to cure my gambling addiction on my own because I felt like I could hold myself, but it did not work, I got back to gambling several times, even when I was in the treatment centre. I figure I had not achieved base yet.
Indeed, even following a 20 day remain in an emergency focus and suicide endeavour!
What Has Happened To Me?
It is called ADDICTION. It is an illness and a problem that is hard but possible to get over. And it turned out It was not the last time I should fight this sickness.
Not because the compulsive gambling, I committed suicide again in 2006 for being unable to cope with the pressure of financial issues. It felt like I haven't completely recover my life including my financial condition.
Principal step? Draft out a roadmap to your desired wellbeing. But in 2006 I also only wished to be normal, live life in recovery without having to use drugs for mental/emotional problems. Hence, I ceased taking them believing it was just the gambling that was inducing my mental malady issues of PTSD, manic depression, mild mania anxiety and bipolar insomnia cycles and OCD. So, in two weeks of no meds? I was back to grievous depression and self-destructive. My response? I consumed all my meds at ago. I had reached to that bad, black hole of gloom once again.
I got back to the hospital again, with 16 days in the crisis centre and being watched for suicide attempts.
When discharged this time, I had learned from my mistakes that I have to use drugs to manage my mental/emotional health and happiness as they refer to this as being "dually diagnosed or dual diagnosis."
Recovery with even bad experiences, coupled with some "faith" can reveal many life lessons in recovery to us. In the event that we are not learning them, we won't see our development. Even when you are not partaking in your preferred dependence, we can still have issues come up and life challenges in recovery, so being ready is very important.
Where Can I Be Heading With This Section Of My Narrative?
First, the usual behaviours when we struggle with the addiction needs to be cut and give ourselves a chance to really recover ourselves, believe that we can change the habits. Balance is the key in your recuperation way also. Acknowledge the necessary skills and tools in the therapy to treat your addiction, don't give any space in you for making excuses, refusal, and others.
Second, come to acknowledge that recuperation is a deep rooted prepare. It is as crucial to accept as the first step.
And third, having a solid 'Relapse Prevention Program' is a mandatory for any individual who comes into recuperation and needs it long-term. We all believe that life occurrences take place. Not just the bad and bitter moments, there are also beautiful and sweet ones.
I feel it is the reason Gamblers Anonymous put the question forward in our combo book of "The 20 Questions" to know if you have an issue with betting. It is why they place #19.) "Did you ever have an encouragement to jubilee any great luck by some hours of gambling?" My answer was in the affirmative to the above question since I would rather relax and make merry by gambling even when I receive positive news. Nonetheless, these questions were clearly not effective since my addiction was looking grave.
I attended gatherings and met a lot of people which assisted me tremendously; the experience of other individuals with cases similar to mine kept me adequately informed of the level of deception inherent in gambling addiction. And GA made me know how necessary it is to be available for others through recovery service as others were there for me when I was a newcomer.
We have to begin a discussion about this still hush, hush dependence. Let's destroy the "myths" concerning it. It is one way to pull down the "stigma" around it, and around those who live dual diagnosed also. It is undeniable that mental issues in recovery is a tough way to face, but I hope my story can be a light in the darkness for some people that almost lose their strength and hope that recovery can actually work. It is still possible for patients to have beautiful, happy live ahead.